I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
