How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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