yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
