You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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