I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
