we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
