Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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