burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
