well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
