I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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