I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
