So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
