I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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