Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
