i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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