My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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