It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
