I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
