To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
