just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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