On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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