if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
