HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
