ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
