I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
