Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
