you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
