sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
