Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I FOUND THE LEGS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
