WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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