thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
