eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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