Jerry, you need to find god
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am available for nakedness
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
