A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
