i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
