1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
