Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
