I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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