You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
