i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
