my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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