you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
