she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
