and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
