You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
