Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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