when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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