I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
