the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
