the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
